Monday, September 26, 2005

Who's Gonna Be Offended?

I had a thought last night before I went to bed and its stuck with me all day.

I want to do a foreign girl.

Take no offence, Shannon. It has nothing to do with you. Its just something I hope to do some day. lol.

I'm not all that ambitious, though. I'm not talking strictly about hot European girls... I'd settle for a Mexican girl... Even Canadian!

But on a somewhat similar topic, I have advice for both genders. I get a little sick of hearing each gender say how they hate certain things in the other gender so I decided to just make a nice list. They may be perverse, so skip over 'em if you'd like.

For Females:
1) I know its best to just come out and ask for something physical if you want it, but for some reason, its not always hot. It rarely changes in one person, though. If you're aggressive at first and the dude digs it, he'll likely dig it in the future.
2) If a guy won't go down on you, it may or may not be because of your hygiene. To be sure its not that, be sure you wash that stuff! And that's not enough. Douche often. That may create a bit of a mask for the smell that is almost always there regardless of how clean you are. And keep in mind, as time goes on, it gets icky. Even if you're just sitting around. Pissing, farting and even moving make things unpleasant.
Keep in mind, though, that some guys just find the lack of cooperation annoying. If you haven't seen 'Chasing Amy', do so and you'll understand.
3) The best way to get a guy to be all huggy and shit like you may want (if you're that type) is to not nag him about it.
4) Most guys want a girl who's much like a friend that he loves a lot and sleeps with. Don't try to pretend to be like him or his friends by faking interest in things. No matter how good you think you are at pretending, most guys can see right through that shit.
Let him do his hobbies and shit and don't worry so much about 'together time'. It'll happen eventually and it will be better because he won't resent it.
5) Don't change yourself for a guy. If a guy wants you to change how you are, that's a sly way of saying he doesn't want to be with you. He just expects you to have enough self-respect to not take that shit.

For Males:
1) If a girl's whiny, bitchy, childish, etc. and you don't like it... Leave. It will not get any better. There may be times when it all is slightly lulled but she's the same person and she's coming back... Just gradually.
2) Most of the same as in #2 apply to you (just not the part about douching). Shower at least daily. And not just at night. People get stinky and sweat at night. If you're only going to shower once a day, do it in the morning or afternoon before you leave home for the first time.
Also, don't use spray deodorant. It doesn't last. And clear is rarely any better.
And I have it on pretty good authority that woman hate tighty-whities. Apparently, they make your 'berries' smell really bad really fast. Not just that, but they don't give you much room. I've been out of those bitches since 4th grade!
3) In the same stadium as #2, women tend to like men who are at least somewhat clean as far as their surroundings go. They tend to be very disgusted and turned off by putrid clothing and food left out for even a day or more. Think about how easy it would be to just toss something when you're done with it. It isn't that hard. And wash clothes when they're dirty! Don't let them stack up and get icky.
And keep your car clean. It doesn't even have to be a nice car, but if its clean then you'll be in good shape. The outside is sort of important but the inside is more so. If you eat fast food, trash your shit when you get out of your car next. I've seen roaches inside of a friend's car before (sorry dude, lol. I won't reveal your name but you know who you are, lol) and I'm sure something like that would have turned a sexy lass off, even if she were uber-horny. Keep your shit in order and they'll see you as someone with... well... their shit in order. Women tend to like that.
To sum things up, woman are very keen on scents.
4) Be sure you've got some balls. Its one thing to shut up so you can be civil, but if you don't stick up for yourself just so you can be sure to get some or what-ever, then she'll have you by the balls. And those relationships never work out. By the time they're over, you'll have alienated your friends and no one will have anything to do with you.
5) Don't be afraid of intimacy! Even the coolest of women still dig that. Don't over-do it with too much too fast or anything like that, though, or rest assured, it will get old fast for you and her and things will be shit. Physicality ain't all of it, but once you're bored with it or it becomes redundant, your entire relationship will crash and burn.

So what do you all think? Am I right? Am I totally wrong? Let me know. Comment on this post.

And none of these were targeted at anyone. They are just observations I have made over time. I realize that every person is different and I hate to generalize, but generalizing has its purpose no matter how bad it may be. I know some of them were crude and seemed silly, but "I calls 'em like I sees 'em".

But now that I'm sure many of you may see me as a jerk, etc., I think I'm done for tonight. *yawn* I'm a little tired.

Seriously, though... I'm gonna try really hard to post about my adventures in Hurricane Ophelia a couple of weeks ago as well as a new 'addiction' of mine. Here's a hint... It deals with RSS.

Until then... Drink your own urine, you sick fucks.

-=The Prynce


carrie said...

I have to say that I think douching is TERRIBLE advice. it causes infections. it throws everything off balance in there and can serve to actually make the situation worse. vaginas are self cleaning. provided that you eat well (not too much protein or fat and LOTS of vegetables and fruit), you shouldn't require any "deep cleaning", nor will it really solve the problem. other than that, I think you're right.

I am personally not offended by a mess or a pile of dirty clothes, but I'm not most girls either :p
however, the line is drawn at roaches in the car (or anywhere).

Anonymous said...

I dont care who you want to fuck. lol

Number 5 is interesting Prynce. You are ALWAYS trying to change me. So explain. Is that your sly way of saying to dont want to be with me? Oh lets tell the truth. I was just wondering to dont blow up and have a fit.


Matt said...

I think the person in For Males #1 sums up something. . .sly way maybe? Hoping she'll wise up and get the clue? lol I certainly hope so. Oh and there's this fiiiine Canadian chick who lives in the building across from me. I wanna do her and her English friend with the nice teeth(abstract thought, yes, but she's does have nice teeth).

The Prynce said...

carrie -
You're actually right. I'm not sure why I didn't think of that when I was writing this.

And as far as the things you eat, that goes for dudes, too. If you've got a girl who performs oral on you, eat healthy. Too much Chineese food, spicy foods, garlic, etc. can apparently effect the 'flavor' of semen.

MALES AND FEMALES: DRINK WATER OFTEN! Apart from helping with... all of that, its great for you and you'll feel a lot better with the more you drink.

But, yeah. You're not the typical woman, like you said. lol. There are plenty of women who don't mind a mess or piles of cloths, but there are at least just as many who do so its best for dudes to keep their enviroment clean just in case.
I've seen roaches in some really clean places, but they are very icky no matter where they're found.

So I should add that douching should be done only on occasion if its going to be done and, if you don't lead the sort of life-style Carrie described, you may need to do it sometimes.
Also, if you do notice a strong stench, it could be because of an excess of the natural bacteria created by the vagina. You'll need to see your doctor about that. From what I have heard, it can be a problem beyond smell.

Shannon -
Bullshit. But fuck off.

Matt -
You take the Canadian and give me the Brit. I love all girls from the 'Kingdom'. Plus I'm balls off about nice teeth. Hell, on prom night I was getting a hummer from Muriel and all but thinking about your dates teeth, lol.
But I'll take the Canadian if I gotta. =( lol

Bet that bit will piss Shannon off and make her change what she said in her last comment. lol.

-=The Prynce

Anonymous said...

Sorry to disappoint you but i'm too fucking sleepy to care what you say about fucking other girls.

As for the "bullshit" you wrote. You are right BULLSHIT.