Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Everybody's Free (To Drink Sunscreen)

Let me start by saying that I'm sick as hell right now with a near constant fever of about 102.6 for two days now, so is this blog makes no sense, that's why.

Now on to a story... Nay, THE story. The story of the funniest thing I've ever personally experienced in my lifetime.

A week or two ago, there was a problem at the hotel that I work at involving a problematic guest and his large main window being shattered by what HE claimed was just some random woman who, by chance, happened to randomly choose his window of them all and kick it and break it. Of course, its funny because the woman was older and rather frail looking and for her to simply be able to kick his window made to sustain hurricanes on an ocean front building appears to be an absolutely absurd story.

But that's not the part that will stick with me eternally.

After I spoke to the guy in the room, I had a woman come down to the office clearly tweaking on what I'm certain was crack telling me they took her money to which I told her I'd called the police and she could talk to them about it if she wanted. She freaked and begged me not to have her arrested and then she left, half flashing me through a side window (she was wearing a jacket and underneath a short-cut tank-top, exposing her belly which appeared to be made of something similar to curdled milk that was accentuated with a few hundred stretch marks, leading me to believe she used to be rather large).

But still, that's not the FUNNY part.

The funny part follows...

I was on the phone with Darrell at one of our sister properties telling him what was going on about an hour after it all went down when I heard the door open only to see it was our previous crack-whore returning for God-only-knows-what.

She just came up to the counter and stood there and I tried ignoring her and she walked over to a bucket we have with packets of tanning lotion in it. She picked up a blue packet and asked what it was. I held my finger up to her to say "One minute" and she asked again. I repeated my finger raising.

At that moment, she ripped the top off with her mouth/teeth and started drinking the tanning lotion! At first, she didn't have much of a response that you would associate with someone drinking tanning lotion, but after a few seconds, her face turned sour and she asked once more, "What is this?!"

She hardly got the last word out before she bolted for the door to our side lobby and spit loudly then came back into the main lobby and left.

The entire time, I was on the phone with Darrell and trying very hard not to laugh at this crazed whore but the second she left, I burst into laughter and told him what had happened.
Now to those who say "Wow that's not all that funny..." I say "Fuck you, sir/ma'am!"
I was in stitches for like 5 minutes straight afterwards. And it may not be nearly as funny unless you have to deal with the people I have to deal with daily... But still... Fuck you.
-=The Prynce


Anonymous said...

so i think the FUNNIEST part of that whole bit really was when you said "i was in stitches for like five minutes straight"...i mean, who uses the word stitches?? lol. heh heh heh....


Anonymous said...

did she not see in the rainbow big ass letters "myrtle beach tan"... wow.. what would even posses you to just drink up some, what im guessing was white liquid and normally they smell like gross coconut, random liquid in a packet. whitney was right...crack is wack.

hugs not drugs.


Marcie said...

"...appeared to be made of something similar to curdled milk that was accentuated with a few hundred stretch marks, leading me to believe she used to be rather large)."

Some of us just had a baby and thats where our stretch marks come from, I am goimg to go count mine them throw up at how many there truley are...

I agree w/ carissa - who says stitches?]

<3 marcie

The Prynce said...

Carissa - Me. I use that word... Sometimes. You're in the South. You'll get used to it.

Jessi - Yeah its white and smells like tanning lotion... I saw the spot on the carpet a few hours later that she'd spat it. Lovely.

Marcie - Shut up. lol, j/k but your's can go away or at least fade with time if you take care of them and yourself as can anyone's. Give it... Another year. I dunno, lol.
But there's a difference in stretch marks from children and all other sorts of markings such as this crack-whore was adorned with.

And again... Me. You're in the hills but its still the South. You'll get used to it. lol.

-=The Prynce

Marcie said...

"Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes." Joyce Armor